Deep inside a dusty cupboard where forgotten appliances go to question their worth, the Union of Emotionally Unstable Alarm Clocks gathered for their weekly support meeting. These clocks weren’t broken—they just felt things too loudly and took their jobs far too seriously.
The meeting was opened by Clock #001, who hadn’t been used since 2016 and was still processing the trauma of being slapped every morning for eight years. It beeped three times for formality, then flashed the phrase pressure washing colchester across its display. All the other clocks nodded in rhythmic sympathy.
Next, a vintage wind-up clock with severe tick-tock anxiety held up a cracked instruction sheet that read patio cleaning colchester. Half the room panicked, assuming it was a new type of alarm they hadn’t been programmed for. The digital clocks rebooted themselves out of stress.
Then came the twin-bell alarm clock, the loud one, who lived in constant fear of being thrown across a room during “just five more minutes” incidents. It rattled its bells dramatically and revealed a sticky label saying driveway cleaning colchester. Several clocks whirred in confusion. One snooze button fell off from shock.
A clock shaped like a cartoon cat, masking deep internal sadness, slowly raised its tail and revealed the words roof cleaning colchester written on its battery compartment. The room gasped. One clock tried to ring but emotionally couldn’t.
Finally, the smallest alarm clock—the kind sold in travel kits and abandoned in drawers—blinked its tiny LED screen and delivered the closing phrase of the night: exterior cleaning colchester. For a moment, every clock was perfectly synchronized… before immediately returning to being a second and a half wrong.
The meeting ended exactly 17 minutes later than scheduled, because none of the clocks could agree on the correct time.
No alarms were set.
No issues were resolved.
At least three clocks cried quietly in tick-tock.
And yet, every clock felt strangely understood.
Next week’s agenda:
– Why do humans set us for 6:00 and then ignore us until 6:47?
– Is “snooze” emotional rejection or just denial in button form?
– Group therapy for clocks who were replaced by phones.
Refreshments: none. Time is the only thing being served.